Challenging Boss or Coworker? Here’s What to Do

Ep: 264

Transcript

Blake Schofield (0:05)
Hi, I’m Blake Schofield, founder and CEO of The Bridge to Fulfillment, mom to three, USA Today Top 10 professional coach, and former corporate executive who got tired of sacrificing my life for a comfortable paycheck. My mission is to expand perspectives, helping people achieve greater impact at home and work—without sacrifice. This is The Bridge to Fulfillment.

Have you ever been in a circumstance where there’s a really challenging coworker, team member, or perhaps a boss who is creating a lot of stress or anxiety for you? Well, if you’ve worked inside any sort of large corporation, the answer is probably yes—either you’re experiencing it now or you’ve experienced it before.

I’ve been having a lot of conversations recently about relationships and how we feel empowered to honor ourselves while honoring others. Here’s one thing that became really clear when I began looking at the patterns of my life and those of many of my clients. Many have experienced what I did—working with toxic leaders or in tough circumstances that led to self-doubt, burnout, or efforts to either fix the problem or avoid it altogether.

If you can relate to any of that, here’s what I want to share with you that’s incredibly powerful and important.

Blake Schofield (1:56)
I always say that life teaches us lessons, and we’ll keep getting those lessons over and over until we learn them. It starts as a whisper, then a knock, then a bang on the door, and eventually, the whole thing comes crashing down.

Why do I share this with you? Because if you’ve worked with multiple people exhibiting toxic behaviors—people who threaten your job security or make you feel inadequate, who meet your concerns with judgment, blame, or a refusal to find solutions—it’s important to recognize the pattern.

I remember so many circumstances like this early in my career. I worked in an organization that was very fear-based, where it was intimated that if you were sick, you still had to come into work. Taking time off to go to the doctor was frowned upon. It was also known that if you couldn’t answer something once or twice, you could easily be blackballed and seen as incompetent.

I also worked with leaders who told me I couldn’t leave work to get dinner or pick up my kids from school, that I had to stay to finish a massive project. Many nights, I scrambled to pick up my daughter from daycare because of my boss’s demands. I worked with bosses who were divisive, spoke poorly about others, and were unwilling to take feedback. You knew if you didn’t do things their way, you’d face the consequences.

I was having a conversation with a client this week. He shared that, in the past, when he sought leadership, he was pushed down. He worked with someone who made coworkers cry and had issues with those around them, but the organization did nothing.

Blake Schofield (4:09)
Here’s the thing I really want you to hear: If you stay in toxic circumstances—whether it’s with a coworker, boss, or team member—and you attempt to make it work, avoid conflict, or start blaming yourself, these are signs of trauma. You would leave almost immediately otherwise. You’d try to resolve the issue, and when it became clear it couldn’t be resolved, you’d exit.

I say this because I began removing toxic people and circumstances from my career, and over the past seven years, I’ve seen that same pattern in different layers of my life—places where people were manipulating or gaslighting me, taking advantage of me, or where I was trying to make things better with no accountability or responsibility from the other side.

It can be easy to get into a culture where people complain about work or coworkers, but that only creates more toxicity. So, what should you do instead?

The very first thing is to get feedback on how you feel and where you need help, support, or partnership to create change. Then, really slow down and observe how the other person responds. Are they receptive to change, whether or not they agree with your perspective? Do they try to understand you or find a solution? Or do they immediately shut you down, blame you, or gaslight you?

Often, we’re so uncomfortable giving feedback that we don’t slow down enough to see the response. And it’s really important because, after doing this for seven-plus years with hundreds of people, I consistently see that it’s very easy—especially if you have trauma—to stay in circumstances that can destroy your self-confidence. You can continue to work in toxic situations or with toxic leaders and believe something is wrong with you, when that’s not the case at all.

The real issue is that you’re with someone who is unwilling to take responsibility for their behavior or create positive change. So, give that feedback and take the time to see how the person responds before you start thinking about what you could have done differently.

Then, you want to look at another level: Does leadership prioritize good communication, collaboration, and healthy environments? Or are they okay with that person’s behavior?

In the case of my client, the person creating problems on the team delivered great results, so top leadership didn’t care about the toxic environment. They supported the problematic individual instead.

When you begin to see this, you realize that the organization is not aligned with your values, and it’s a place you need to leave.

Blake Schofield (8:43)
It’s an interesting thing to see these patterns across organizations, families, and relationships. So often, we misperceive what’s happening because we only see it through our own lens. But when you value yourself, understand healthy communication styles, and learn how to vet leadership and organizations, you won’t continue to suffer these issues.

I’ve worked in five different organizations with very different cultures, and I’ve worked with hundreds of clients across many industries and companies. I can tell you, there are healthy companies and toxic companies. Some empower people to collaborate, resolve conflict, and work together. Others are fear-based and only care about performance without considering the environment for their employees.

Blake Schofield (9:54)
People who work in toxic environments often believe that all organizations are like that. But I’m here to tell you they aren’t. There’s so much more possibility for your career and life. If you’ve struggled with toxic bosses or coworkers, you can solve the root cause. Then you don’t have to worry whether the next opportunity will be better—you can be more fulfilled, peaceful, and impactful in your current job or organization.

These are huge opportunities to gain the skills to create peace of mind, balance, impact, and a truly fulfilling career. You don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns. I want to say that again: You do not have to repeat these patterns.

Most people say you don’t leave an organization; you leave a boss. Organizations tend to have about a 40% turnover in top leadership every few years. What I see consistently is the same patterns over and over: great employees who maybe don’t fit the leadership values or culture end up with depleted confidence and stress so high they leave undervaluing themselves.

Instead of having the tools to understand what’s happening, advocate for yourself, and identify whether it’s solvable, they leave. Is the leader open and receptive to feedback and change? And if not, is leadership open and receptive?

We are the ones who must create the change we want to see in the world. It starts with recognizing that we have the power to either change, shift, and improve the environments we’re in, or to leave and find one that aligns with our values and the life we want to live.

I hope this has been helpful to you. As always, I appreciate your feedback. Let me know what you want to learn more about. I’d love to hear from you and provide more content that helps you, day-to-day, create that more fulfilling career and life.

Until next time, have a great week!