Creating Boundaries: Protect Your Health & Time

Ep: 220

Do you feel like your boundaries are constantly being pushed?

Do you find yourself feeling guilty & responsible when others struggle?

Knowing how to create boundaries, and making sure they are respected, is one of the most difficult tasks many women face. When our boundaries don’t hold, it creates a pattern that ultimately takes a toll on your mental and physical health. 

Today on The Bridge to Fulfillment®, Blake shares the importance of creating boundaries in your professional and personal life. She shares the story of one client who felt like she failed to advocate strongly enough for her team, but in the end, realized that it was really about a misalignment of values. This realization led to a breakthrough that ultimately pointed her toward her unique set of Secret Sauce Transferable Skills™.

In this episode, you’ll learn why the issue of boundaries at work and at home is so common among heart-centered women. You’ll hear what broken boundaries feel like in the moment, and the role that fear plays in how we respond. You’ll also gain some great advice about how to change your perspective about people in your life who aren’t respecting your boundaries. 

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why heart-centered women so often experience boundary issues (2:02)
  • Recognizing misalignment when things don’t go your way (5:11)
  • The role of fear in our feelings of failure (6:02)
  • What broken boundaries look and feel like (8:34)
  • Boundary advice for when you feel like you’re being taken advantage of (10:21) 

Favorite Quotes:

  1. Heart-centered leaders, parents, and friends often feel that when we start taking on responsibility or accountability for things that we aren’t responsible or accountable for, we think we need more boundaries. But instead, we should be asking why we feel responsible for others.
  2. If you value certain things and you’re frustrated because your leadership doesn’t value those same things, understand that all you can do is show up and share what you know. But also, begin to recognize if this is a sign of misalignment. 
  3. Anytime we go through big changes, it presents opportunities for others to do the same. 
  4. When we are taking responsibility for other people, what we’re actually doing is stealing their opportunity for their own lesson. 

Additional Resources:

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Blake Schofield 0:05
Hi, I’m Blake Schofield, founder and CEO of The Bridge to Fulfillment®, mom to three, USA Today top 10 professional coach, and former corporate executive who got tired of sacrificing my life for a comfortable paycheck. My mission is to expand women’s perspectives and empower them to achieve greater impact at home and work without sacrifice. This is The Bridge to Fulfillment®.

Blake Schofield 0:38
I often say net life can be and is our greatest teacher. And so today I’m gonna talk about something that I’ve been noticing as a pattern with clients, friends, and certainly something that I used to really struggle with. So today, we’re going to talk about how to create boundaries to protect your mental, emotional, health, your time. I was actually on a call with a client this morning. And she is dealing with a situation that I think happens more often than we’d like to believe it, right, a situation at her job where the company’s making some major changes. And it’s going to create quite a bit of upheaval for her team. And she is really feeling a lot of pressure, stress, and anxiety about how to manage all of this. Because the changes happening are changes that don’t align with her value system and don’t align with actually what she thinks is best for the organization nor her team.

Blake Schofield 1:40
Well, I don’t know about you, but man, I can relate to that. And there are so many times that that has happened in my career. And I’m going to share with you a little bit about what I shared and what my other coach Betsy shared with her today, to really help her start to see things differently and be able to protect and take care of herself while maintaining those boundaries. Because if you are somebody who genuinely is heart centered and people driven, it’s not a matter of if but a matter of when, you will run into the same challenge this feeling of stress and anxiety around wanting to support and take care of others, but also seeing the negative detrimental things that are happening in your life. And so I’m going to kind of take you back to this client who’s sitting in her job where the executive team has made a decision. And despite all that she shared, they’re moving forward with a plan that is going to disrupt and honestly either put a lot of people out of jobs where they’re needing to search for something different, or have them have to move to a different place.

Blake Schofield 2:45
And whether that’s the circumstance, or we’re talking about layoffs, or we’re talking about new company direction, or we’re just talking about significant changes. Anytime we go through that and we feel responsible for other people, it can create some real challenges. And often what I find is we have to address the emotional root of what’s going on first. So before we even really started talking about what boundaries does she have today? And where does she feel like she’s lacking boundaries? Need to get to really what was she suffering, or what was she feeling. And ultimately, at the heart of what she was going through was this feeling that she could have done something more to have changed the outcome. And this worry that this was going to be really negative and really detrimental for her team, people she really valued. And I think that often has a heart centered leaders, parents, friends, we feel that way, we start taking on responsibility or accountability for things that we aren’t responsible or accountable for. And we might think that it is that we need more boundaries, when often it’s more of them until an emotional aspect of why do we feel responsible for others. And so in this process, I began to break it down to talk to her through this.

Blake Schofield 4:05
Right. So there’s this fear that she could have created change or done something different. So we actually walked through that, did you share every piece of information that you had? Were you clear and communicating the risks? Why you felt like this wasn’t the best strategy? What could be a better strategy? And the answer to that question was yes. And so then we can look and say, well, there isn’t anything more you could have done. And then we can identify what were the things you really spoke about is important. And what we began to see and that was the things that she saw as important of what she wanted to protect or not things that the executive team valued. And at the end of the day, the reason why the executive team chose to make a change, had absolutely nothing to do with her inability to protect her team communicate effectively, or advocate for what she believed was the right thing. It had to do with a value misalignment. And often this happens in our careers, where either there’s a shift in terms of what those values are for the organization, or maybe we grow and change and our values are no longer aligned. And so if you’re somebody like that, where you really value certain things, and you’re frustrated, because you notice that your leadership or your company, your C suite, doesn’t value those same things.

Blake Schofield 5:51
Understand, first and foremost, all you can do is show up and share what you know, share the risks of one option, and what it is that you see to be the better option, but also begin to recognize when is this assignment a symptom of misalignment? And so as we went through that journey, it became apparent to her and I was able to help her really see, no, this isn’t because you could have done anything differently. It’s because the company is valuing different things than what you value. And once we can unravel that, and you can begin to let go of a sense of failure, or a sense of I should have or could have done more. And then we delve a little bit deeper, right? A big piece of this is how we look at change. And often when we are feeling responsible for other people, or we don’t create the boundaries we want. It’s because we’re fearful that something bad will happen. Or if we’re really honest, that maybe they’re not capable of handling it on their own. And sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re taking those actions. And so as I began to talk to her, we talked about her personal journey, and how, through her personal journey, she came to really see and understand her secret sauce, transferrable skills and a far more impactful way, she came to understand why and how the things she really loved she’d been so successful at and the places in her career in life when she felt frustrated, or bored, or not motivated, why that was.

Blake Schofield 6:50
And she came to really understand to the define the criteria work, why and how holding on to this company, and this role that she’d been in, wasn’t the right long term fit for her because she could physically see the misalignment. And I said to her, what has that done for you, because ultimately, what it did was expand the possibilities for her life, help her gain confidence, help her really understand and advocate for what she wants. And at the end of the day, anytime we go through big changes like this, it presents opportunities for others to do the same. And so while she came feeling responsible for other people, as we began to dig into it, I think what she really began to understand is the only responsibility that I have is to show up in the best way that I can and to be that lighthouse, to show people that I value them that I fought for them. And then ultimately, this is presenting them an opportunity to make a choice. Are you aligned with where the company’s going? And do you want to do that? Or is this an opportunity to step into the next chapter that could be even bigger and better than maybe what you even imagined?

Blake Schofield 8:00
Often we don’t realize when we are taking, quote, unquote, responsibility for other people, that we’re actually stealing their opportunity for their own lesson, that we’re assuming that they’re not capable of that growth, or that work on their own. And as a result, we take on huge burden that’s completely unnecessary. And we might think that we need more boundaries. But ultimately, what we need is to see it differently. And so I actually shared with her a few words that I just actually recently saw from my good friend and coach Shylla. And I wanted to share them with you today.

Blake Schofield 8:33
She said, boundaries show love for yourself and for others. Some people want to see you experiencing their misery too. They want you to join them in the rabbit hole. They do this by storming into the break room at work and complaining about all the negative things that happen that morning. The same things have upset you before and before you know it, you are complaining right along with them. They do this by going into a fit of anger, playing a victim, leaving everyone feeling tense, walking on eggshells in their presence. You justify staying quiet around them because it keeps the peace and makes life easier. In the moment. They do this by crying about how awful something is. They just can’t believe what’s happening to them, playing “The Woe is me, I’m such a victim” card. This pulls on your heartstrings. So you give them the only two hours you have only to find they recreate the same experience two days later and did nothing with the ideas you shared. They do this by avoiding the issue and turning in addiction, making life an even bigger mess. You feel sorry for all they’re going through and help them dig out of the trouble they got in, enabling them to continue avoiding the real problem. Don’t join them. Don’t over give. Don’t enable them. That’s like walking straight into the fire. Just save someone who’s already burning. Unless you’re properly suited up and trained. You’ll be burning too. Hold space for them, from the healthy place that you’re in, with love. Wait for them to process whatever it is they need to without joining them in their misery, you do not need to fix anything. Stay neutral. This is not your life lesson. It’s theirs.

Blake Schofield 10:17
And she went on. But I think that that’s a beautiful place to stop. Wait for them to process whatever they need, without joining them in their misery, you do not need to fix anything. Stay neutral. This isn’t your life lesson, this is theirs. And so if you have felt like you struggle with boundaries, that you constantly give, give, give, and it points feel taken advantage of. I would challenge you today to stop and think, where am I taking responsibility for other people, when it’s not really my responsibility to take? Where am I worrying about negative outcomes? And maybe, not empowering others to rise to learn their lesson, gain that confidence, and learn how to solve those problems on their own? And where am I not recognizing the potential or the opportunity in a circumstance and allowing myself to be that lighthouse that shines to others?

Blake Schofield 11:21
Often I find, with an opening up a perspective, and a shifting of the way that we approach or deal with the challenges or opportunities that come our way, many of the challenges that we think need to be dealt with tactically get adapted. And so this client who had come feeling stressed and anxious and unsure what to do, we just focus on what’s the next one to two things that need to go right? And how can she show up in a way that really supports and values her team, while allowing them the space to process, while being that lighthouse to show them the potential and opportunity and allowing them to learn a lesson that’s right for them. It’s a beautiful thing. And often when you do this, you’ll come to see that the belief that you needed to show up and do all these things was never true anyway. And that you can create so much more possibility, you can be so much stronger of a leader, a mentor, and a friend. When you help people begin to see the gold that’s already hidden inside them. Thanks so much for joining me today on The Bridge to Fulfillment®. I hope that this has given you some tools and perspectives about how to create better boundaries in your life to take care of yourself while supporting others, and how to truly begin to show up as an even stronger leader and an even stronger inspiration to others, for how to really create more confidence and create more fulfilling careers and lives for themselves. Until next time, have a great week.

Blake Schofield 0:05
Thanks for joining me today. Rather than hope the grass will be greener, identify what the right next step is. We can help you do just that. Get clarity on where you are in your journey to career fulfillment, where you’re headed, optimal paths to get there, and the right next step to take. Start your complimentary personalized career fulfillment plan at Again, you can get your personalized career fulfillment plan at Thanks again for joining and have a great week ahead!