Expectations are the Root of All Suffering & Heartache

Ep: 236

Do you worry that the things you want in life might not be possible for you?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of imagining exactly what “success” should look like. But, when you have too much faith in the plan, it’s hard to trust the process.

And when unexpected things show up for you, you might not recognize them as gifts.

Today on The Bridge to Fulfillment®, Blake explains why our expectations are actually at the root of all suffering and heartache. When we let go and leave space for the process, that’s where the magic happens.

In this episode, you’ll learn why creating expectations of what we think success should look like masks the real opportunities that show up unexpectedly. You’ll hear why leaving space for things that might fall outside of your best-laid plans is actually where the alignment happens.

So if what you imagined to be “success” feels hard, then remember…

It’s not impossibility that’s holding you back. The real culprit is your expectations

What You’ll Learn:

  • The problem with creating expectations (1:33)
  • Why you have to love the process (3:12)
  • What happens when you leave space for the unexpected (3:46)
  • How to trust the process and find your North Star (4:30)
  • Why success feels so hard (5:48)

Favorite Quotes:

  1. “I’ve learned that when I take small actions aligned with my North Star values and allow space for unexpected gifts, new learnings, and new doorways to open, amazing, wonderful things show up.”
  2. “If you don’t love your process every day, you’ll never achieve what you want to achieve.”
  3. “The reason it seems like we have to work so hard is because we’re pushing and forcing. We’re not able to see the opportunities because we’ve already decided how it has to look.”
  4. “Be receptive to what shows up. You may very well find beauty, opportunity and far more possibility than you ever thought was out there.”

Additional Resources: 

For programs and opportunities to work with Blake, go to www.BlakeSchofield.com


Blake Schofield 0:05
Hi, I’m Blake Schofield, founder and CEO of The Bridge to Fulfillment®, mom to three, USA Today top 10 professional coach, and former corporate executive who got tired of sacrificing my life for a comfortable paycheck. My mission is to expand women’s perspectives and empower them to achieve greater impact at home and work without sacrifice. This is The Bridge to Fulfillment®.

Blake Schofield 0:39
Expectations are the root of all heartache and suffering. I was recently having a conversation with my team about this, and the ways of which we accidentally prevent ourselves from achieving the things we really want in life. And, at the same time, creating all these misperceptions that we’re not capable or able to truly have what we want in life. As a society, we teach that, in order to be successful, you must have smart and measurable goals, you must figure it all out, you must know exactly what your outcome needs to look like.

Blake Schofield 1:23
And when you’re running a large corporation, you need a certain level of structure, a certain level of certainty in order to move things forward. But the problem is, as individuals or as small business owners who don’t need that level of structure, what happens when we create so much rigidity, and so much structure is that we spend all of this time and energy and effort planning, we put our faith in the planning, instead of putting our faith and trust that we will be able to adapt that there are far more possibilities than we can even imagine. And ultimately, that it’s always been in God’s hands, not ours.

Blake Schofield 2:12
I can see how, despite being incredibly successful in my corporate career, I can see how my expectations for how things quote unquote, should be what my life quote unquote, should look like. And pre-defining success and very specific timeframes, and measurable things actually stopped me from seeing the gold at my feet. It stopped me from seeing the unexpected, beautiful things that showed up because I didn’t give them credit. It stopped me from seeing the opportunities that were showing up because they didn’t look like what I thought that they would. And it stopped me from having joy in the process.

Blake Schofield 3:02
You know, one of my mentors, Nick Peterson, he says the process is the shortcut. And I’ve really come to understand that to be true. Meaning that if you don’t love your process every day, you’ll never achieve what you want to achieve. But if you can build a process and a life that you love, you can consistently do that process and therefore you can achieve the things you truly want in life.

Blake Schofield 3:38
Today, I operate far differently than that perfectionist Type A girl. And I have far more joy and ease. I celebrate the unexpected because it usually means something far better than I could have ever imagined when I started. And I’ve learned that taking small actions aligned with what my North Star values and principles are, and allowing space for unexpected gifts, new learnings, and new doorways to open, with no attachment to the outcome other than enjoying the process and getting closer to my North Star. That when I do that, amazing wonderful thing show up.

Blake Schofield 4:16
And so I want to encourage you today, if you feel frustrated, if you worry that what you want isn’t possible. If you’ve got a dream in your heart that you’ve given up because you think that you don’t deserve it. If you’re tired of the hustle and grind and working so hard to achieve, and you really feel like there’s something more for your life but you just don’t feel like you have the keys to get it. I would challenge you to begin by letting go of your expectations.

Blake Schofield 4:48
Get clear on what that North Star is, what you really want out of your life. But remove the timeframes the way it has to happen, the expectation of exactly how it has to look. And just allow yourself to start stepping forward into the thing that you want. Be open and receptive to what shows up and what lessons come your way. What unexpected blessings and opportunities show up, and then capitalize on them. And then take the next step forward.

Blake Schofield 5:22
You know, God works in flow. As humans, we tried to put everything into constructs, and structure, and rigidity. And it’s that structure and rigidity that actually stop us from many of the miracles that could happen in our lives. I’ve seen over and over and over again, and it actually takes far less than we believe it does, to accomplish the things we want to accomplish. The reason it seems like we have to work so hard is that we’re pushing and forcing, which creates misalignment and a lot of wasted time and energy. And we’re not able to see the opportunities and the more aligned path, because we’ve already decided how it has to look.

Blake Schofield 6:09
So today, and maybe for the next month, I encourage you, release what the attachment to the outcome of something needs to be, release that it has to happen a certain way. And instead, just get clear on the North Star. Take the first one to two steps and be receptive to what shows up. You may very well find beauty, opportunity, and far more possibility than you ever thought was out there.