Fight for Your Uniqueness

Ep: 241

Do you feel like the deepest, most authentic parts of yourself have to stay hidden in order to feel accepted? 

In our desire for acceptance, we often allow society to slowly condition us, while we pack away the parts of ourselves that don’t fit the mold.

The more of ourselves we push away, the greater our fears, self-doubt, shame, guilt, and anxiety become.

…And the more misaligned we become. 

Here’s the truth: When you’re in an environment that makes you question who you are, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you.

It’s because you’re in the wrong environment with the wrong people.

The journey toward alignment requires you to fully step into who you are. When you love and own every part of you, you fight for your uniqueness.

Today on The Bridge to FulfillmentⓇ podcast, Blake shares our human need to feel seen, loved, and accepted. She explains why it feels so hard to come by in the society we live in.

In this episode, you’ll learn why we’re looking for unconditional love in all the wrong places. When that acceptance doesn’t first come from within, then you’re relying on external validation that will seldom fill your cup. The unconditional love you seek comes from owning your uniqueness, embracing what makes you special, and sharing your true self with the world.

It’s the things that make you different that truly make you special.

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why we struggle to feel seen as who we really are (1:57)
  • Seeking unconditional love from the wrong sources (3:14)
  • Wanting to be seen in a world that doesn’t measure up to our expectations (7:11)
  • How to be seen for who you are and embrace your uniqueness (9:36)
  • Identifying misalignment in your life (11:14)

Favorite Quotes:

  1. “Until you fully see and embrace who you are, and fully love the entirety of you, there’s no way that other people can see you.”
  2. “Whatever frustrations we feel like are missing externally are often the things that are missing internally.”
  3. “The internal journey of discovering, embracing, and loving yourself is the key to creating loving relationships, impact, connection, and truly being seen.”
  4. “What if you are perfect exactly as you are? What if the circumstances in the past when you were hurt, let down, unseen, or judged weren’t actually about you at all? Maybe it was about the fact that you were in the wrong place with the wrong people who don’t appreciate you.”

Additional Resources: 

For programs and opportunities to work with Blake, go to


Blake Schofield 0:05
Hi, I’m Blake Schofield, founder and CEO of The Bridge to Fulfillment®. Mom to three, USA Today Top 10 Professional Coach and former corporate executive who got tired of sacrificing my life for a comfortable paycheck. My mission is to expand perspectives to achieve greater impact at home and work without sacrifice. This is The Bridge to Fulfillment®.

Blake Schofield 0:38
Welcome to another episode of The Bridge to Fulfillment®. Today I want to talk about a topic that’s really near and dear to my heart. And I’ve been seeing it show up honestly, in so many places around me in life, and I often think that’s when the exact topic to talk about. Today I want to talk about one of the biggest challenges I see that we all struggle with, and maybe provide a different perspective or insight for you. So today we’re talking about how to fight for your uniqueness. My mentor, Randy Massengale talks about this, that we all are extraordinary. It’s whether we cultivate that extraordinariness and actually bring it to fruition. And in a society that very early on teaches us that we must conform in order to be loved, or to not be abandoned, or to not be excluded. It can often feel really hard to fight to be different. And yet, when I look at us as human beings, what we want most in life is to be loved, and to love others, to feel truly connected. And ultimately to feel seen.

Blake Schofield 1:57
You know, I just finished a Bible study with an amazing group of women. And one of the things that really came out is how few people truly feel seen for who they are. And I think that we’re looking to be seen in all of the wrong places. And we are owning who we are and our uniqueness so that people can really see us. And here’s what I’ve come to really learn and understand. Until you fully see and embrace who you are, and fully love the entirety of you, there’s no way that other people can see you. And also, there’s no way you can fully see and love others because the reality is we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. Whatever frustrations or things we feel like are missing externally are often the things that are missing internally. And this was a concept I didn’t understand for a really, really long time. And I see that most people don’t understand this. And we end up so frustrated because we go through things. And we feel like we’re being slighted or we feel like we’re not being seen or met or loved. And ultimately what we’re truly seeking is unconditional love the ability to be who we are, and feel like that’s okay, and that’s accepted and loved and seen. But we’re looking for it in other humans that are also struggling to love and fully accept and see themselves.

Blake Schofield 3:36
The journey I’ve really come to understand is that the internal journey. The journey to truly discovering, embracing, and loving yourself is the key to creating loving relationships, impacts, connection, and the ability to truly be seen. And I would venture to bet as you’re listening to this, that you’ve been hurt, that you’ve had relationships where you feel like your intentions were misconstrued that you value connection with other people and love and strong relationships and there are relationships in your life today that don’t feel that way that maybe you don’t feel like you can fully be appreciated or loved for all of who you are. And that likely there are parts of who you are that you hide from others, and maybe even from yourself. And what I want to encourage you in is that often we misinterpret the things that feel like we aren’t loved, seen, respected, or met as if there’s something wrong with us. When in fact, so often, I find it’s our misinterpretation or lack of communication or somebody else’s stuff, that’s actually what’s in the way. So I want to challenge you. What if you are perfect exactly as you are? What if the circumstances in the past when you were hurt or let down or unseen or not met or judged weren’t actually about you at all. And maybe it was about the fact that you were in the wrong place with the wrong people who don’t appreciate you. Maybe it was about that you didn’t really communicate what you needed. Or that you interpreted something in a way that felt like you were being judged or hurt or unloved. But that wasn’t actually the intention.

Blake Schofield 5:48
You know, at the end of the Bible study, there’s this lovely girl that was with us, daughter, actually, to one of the women in the group. And I love that she was with us, because we had a really broad age range of women in the Bible study with me. And she was in her early 20s, I believe and searching for a job and honestly just searching to find her way in life. Her people, her sense of self. And there was so much in her story that I think is so true of so many of us, and I want to share it with you, because in so many ways, my heart broke open for the challenges she was struggling with. And it also was reminded of my own journey. And I was also inspired by the opportunity to come alongside her and share with her lessons I wish somebody would have shared with me decades ago. Her mother shared how as a young girl, she knew who she was, she had a beautiful sense of self and confidence. And throughout her growing up, she lost some of that, she began to question herself, her place in the world where she fits, she began to feel like she needed to fit in with other people, because the way that she viewed life or what she was interested in, didn’t fit. And I think that’s true of so many of us. We just want to feel seen, heard and loved. And often were raised by parents, who don’t fully see love and accept themselves. So they can’t do that for us.

Blake Schofield 7:26
But we don’t understand that. So we interpret the experiences that we have growing up as if something is wrong with us, instead of recognizing the gap or the holes in the people around us where we’re expecting unconditional love, and they just aren’t able to give to us what they don’t have. And so then we go out in society, and we start looking for it elsewhere. And we start believing if I could just find a place, or the right people where I feel fully loved and accepted, then I’m okay. But we struggled to find that because everyone around us is struggling with the exact same thing. And so then we start hiding the parts of ourselves that we feel like are not acceptable or different. And we stop fighting for our uniqueness. We lose our sense of confidence and self trust. We lose our sense of direction, and we start becoming conditioned, that it’s safer to be like everybody else that they’re in is the lie.

Blake Schofield 8:28
So I looked at this beautiful young woman questioning what her path was and where she should go. And I realized that opportunity to share with her the things that I’ve learned. The things I wish I had understood, because I’ve spent much of my life trying to get back to that little girl who knew exactly who she was, who didn’t care about other people’s opinions, and just went and explored and loved the things that she loved, saw the world in such a beautiful and creative and inspiring way full of possibilities. And I’ve spent the last six years understanding the impact that societal conditioning, that my belief systems, that my fears, doubts, shame, guilt, anxiety, had created, that it’s separated me from really owning who I am and from allowing myself to be seen, loved, respected, and appreciated for who I am. Because the reality is, people can’t see you fully until you see and step into who you are. And you love and own every part of you. Because you are truly perfect and were made perfect exactly as who you are. It’s the misinterpretation of what we experience in life and the belief system, that the things that are unique or different about us aren’t okay.

Blake Schofield 10:01
And yet what I would tell you doing this work, and really working with so many amazingly talented people who have been hiding the very best parts of themselves is that those things that make you different, are the things that truly make you special. And when you can begin to understand that the key to personal happiness, love, feeling seen, respected, being surrounded by people with deep connection, comes from owning and fighting for your uniqueness. It is through the removal of all of the lies and misinterpretation and hurts that have come through your life, that you can come back to really own who you truly are. And that is the gift. Because when you love and own yourself, you can truly love and respect and honor and see those around you. And that’s what creates the beauty and the depth of connection and life that you’re truly seeking.

Blake Schofield 11:07
So I shared this with that young woman at a crossroads in her life. That when you’re in an environment that makes you question who you are, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re in the wrong environment with the wrong people. That’s misalignment. When you have a deep desire to do something different than you’re doing, that isn’t selfish. That’s the very thing. That’s exactly what you’re meant to do and step into. And when you walk into a room or you have conversations and you see things differently, that is the uniqueness, the perspective, and the approach to fight for. Life isn’t meant to be a kaleidoscope. We are meant to step into the gifts, perspectives, approaches and skills that we’ve been given. It is through the breadth and depth of all of that, that we can truly experience, all of the joy, all of the connection, all of the impact, and love, and joy, and passion, that we’re all seeking.

Blake Schofield 12:18
Every one of us is unique. Every one of us has something to offer. We only believe that we don’t because we’re missing, or disowning, or hiding the very, very best parts of ourselves. And so at the end of the day, and I love this because Oprah has said this over and over again, at the end of the day, what do we really care about is to be seen, loved, heard, valued. Then it starts with allowing ourselves to fully see love, value, and own all of the beauty of who we are. The internal work always shifts the external. Seek to connect to your desires, your passions, and your joy. And you will find that that exponentially increases in all areas of your life.