Get Your Confidence Back

Ep: 144

If you’ve ever suffered a toxic work situation, boss, or new leadership who just doesn’t seem to like you, it can be easy to lose all your confidence.

Especially if your confidence is tied to other people’s perspective of you/the value you bring, degrees, certifications and qualifications, the money you make, or the things you own…

But CONFIDENCE is perhaps one of the most important elements to creating a life you want.

So if you’ve begun to doubt who you are, wondering if something else is possible for you but you’re just not experiencing the confidence you need to fully understand your potential, then it might be time to ask yourself…

Where am I getting my confidence from?

Today, Blake reveals the true origins of confidence and how those ideas we hold about ourselves can often be misleading. She explains how false assumptions can result in a confidence crash, making you feel unsure about who you are and what you’re really capable of.

You’ll learn how to rebound and finally get back to a place where you feel passionate, excited, and valuable in your work and life.

What You’ll Learn:

  • The reasons women lose confidence in themselves (0:32)
  • Why outside appearances can be deceiving (2:14)
  • How to shift your self-confidence perspective (3:21)
  • Understanding the roots of your confidence (6:53)
  • Bouncing back from a lack of confidence (9:13)

Favorite Quotes:

  1. Confidence is perhaps one of the most important things in creating the life you want.
  2. When you look at your confidence from a place of understanding yourself, then you begin to realize that you can be confident regardless of what other people think.
  3. It’s a gift and an opportunity to realize the ways in which you’ve defined who you are and the value you bring to this world has nothing to do with your circumstances, with other people’s perspectives, or with achieving things and everything to do with your own personal inherent value.


Additional Resources:

Rather than hoping the grass will be greener, identify what the RIGHT next step is.

We can help you do just that.

Get clarity on where you are on your journey to career fulfillment, where you’re headed, optional paths to get there, and the right next step to take.

Start your complimentary, Personalized Career Fulfillment Plan by going to

Want free resources to set your job search up for success? You can get them by going to:


Blake Schofield 0:00 Confidence is perhaps one of the most important things to being able to create the life you want. And yet, so many women I know have lost their confidence, whether it is a toxic situation, a boss, or new leadership that somehow just doesn’t like you. Something going differently than you planned or expected. So often I see women struggling with trying to regain the confidence that they once had. And so today, we’re going to talk a little bit about how can you rebound, what can you do after you’ve lost confidence to be able to turn that around, and get back to a place where you are passionate, excited. And you really feel like you can stand in your own value and worth. You know, I know for me I think looking from the outside in a lot of people always thought that I was a really confident person. And honestly, in my career, that confidence that I had built was built off of the results that I learned I could drive. Year after year after year, as a top performer, I built this confidence, this unwavering belief that I could be successful that I knew what to do, I knew the levers to pull and what it would take to make something happen. And as a result of that, it enabled me to continue to deliver results that so many other people couldn’t To be honest, you know, at JC Penney being the number two buying team out of 90, coming into Target Corporation and turning around a built business that had been underperforming for a decade, had had lots of people go through that business and not be able to turn it around. And to launch a business from scratch to a 75,000 woman waitlist. And so from the outside, maybe it always looks like I had all the confidence in the world. And yet, when I got to a place in my career, when I kept making changes, hoping there would be better going through the honeymoon periods of the job being better, and then finding out that it was more of the same or worse, moving cross country only to realize that ultimately, I was not at a place that I wanted to be long term. And then finally coming to the conclusion that I needed to do something different. Whether it was looking back and seeing the bosses that I had that were toxic, that were micromanagers that caused me to second guess myself, or the decisions I made that didn’t turn out as I expected, or ultimately really deciding that I needed to walk away from a career that I had been very successful in, but was no longer aligned with the life I wanted to lead. In all of those moments, I began to doubt who I was, what was possible for me and what I was capable of doing. I had lost some of my confidence. But I didn’t understand why. And today, if you’ve lost some confidence, I want to help teach you some of the things that I learned. To help shift your perspective, I think the first thing that’s really important to understand is, where are you getting your confidence from? Is your confidence coming from a deep understanding of who you are? What you’re gifted at? And what you naturally do how you naturally create results? Or is it coming from other people’s perspectives of you? Is it coming from certifications and qualifications and degrees? Is it coming from your boss’s perspective of the value you bring? Is it coming from the money you make or the things you own? And I ask you this because it’s really important to get clear. I talk about this a lot. And so for any of you that guys have been listening for a while you’ll know and for those of you who are new, what I really want to share is an understanding of where our beliefs are formed or where we come from. Our beliefs come from, really from how we grew up as little children and most of our beliefs are formed by the time we’re seven. So why am I talking about beliefs with regard to how you define confidence? While I’m talking about it, because how we’ve defined confidence and how we’ve defined our personal value comes from what happened in our childhood, and the things that perhaps we were praised for, or the things we did in the hopes to be safe, accepted, and loved.

Blake Schofield 4:58 It was our way of processing as a little child where our value were. The difficult thing is right as children, we don’t see the full scope of reality. And so we formed these beliefs as little kids. And then we go through the rest of our lives, validating that belief, never actually stopping and challenging, whether it’s healthy, or whether it’s even true. And then we get to a certain point in our lives, when those beliefs that we had as children no longer serve us. And we come to somewhat of a crisis, a crisis of understanding that the life we’ve been leading isn’t the life that we really want to lead, that what we thought would be success really isn’t, doesn’t feel like success to us. And ultimately, we have an opportunity to redefine what we truly want. Often, though, that comes with a loss of confidence. Because we’ve usually based our confidence in something that wasn’t true. Anyway, it wasn’t the entire story. And so for me, when I finally got to a place where I needed, I really needed to do something different for my life, and I was tired of changing jobs, hoping it was going to make it better. I realized that I had built my confidence up in my ability to work harder than other people to deliver better results than other people. And I had a confidence that I knew how to do that in my career, because I’d done it for 18 years, I knew I was good at what I did. And that confidence enabled me to do things. But what if my skills didn’t transfer to another industry? What if I couldn’t be successful? What if I walked away from this job? And people thought I was crazy and judged me? What if I was actually wrong, and I went through all of this, and didn’t end up better off, these were all the thoughts that were going through my head that were killing my confidence, day in, day out. And it was because my confidence was based on the wrong thing. And so I’m going to challenge you today, look back at when you were at your most confident, why, why were you confident. And then you’ll learn and understand how you’ve built your confidence, what you believed was the thing that gave you value. And then I want to challenge you today, that perhaps, that that’s just one limited perspective of who you are and the value you bring. And instead challenge you that you are valuable irregardless of what you do, you are valuable as a little baby, even though you couldn’t make money, drive results, take care of other people, you still still had value inherently as a human being. If you get in a horrible accident tomorrow, and you ended up in the hospital, and you couldn’t make money for your family, and you couldn’t do their laundry and you couldn’t make dinner, would you be any less valuable to your husband or your children, I might challenge that they might actually recognize your value more, because maybe they taken it for granted.

Blake Schofield 8:11 True Confidence comes from understanding who you are as a person in recognizing and appreciating your unique value, your unique talents, skills, gifts, passions, understanding your secret sauce, transferable skills, the things that light you up that you’re naturally gifted at, they give you a lot of energy drive and momentum. That when applied to any situation will enable you to be successful. When you look at your confidence from a place of self, from a place of understanding self, then you begin to realize that you can be confident irregardless of what other people think. Because their judgments really honestly aren’t a judgement of you their judgement of the person themselves. That you realize that your confidence has nothing to do with having to know every piece of information. But instead having the confident knowing that you are capable of growing and learning and developing. And when you can use your skills in a way that now allows you to use them the way you work best that you will be successful, irregardless of the job, the company, the industry. And so if you’re trying to figure out how to come back from a lack of confidence, it starts with understanding how have you defined yourself and what limits have you placed on it? And then realizing that True Confidence real confidence, not the fake stuff, right? Because the reality is I was hiding behind the fake stuff. I was hiding behind the achievements and the awards and every anything else. And that part was a part of most confident in my life. But I was missing so much more, because it was partial confidence wasn’t fully true, enveloping confidence as a person. And so if you have lost your confidence, I hope that today will help open your eyes that maybe just maybe it’s a gift. It’s a gift and an opportunity to see yourself fully. It’s a gift and the opportunity to realize the ways of which you’ve defined who you are and what value you bring to this world have nothing to do with your circumstances with other people’s perspectives, or with achieving things, but they have everything to do with your own personal inherent value. And when you understand that, then everything shifts and your ability to lean into and create the life that you want exponentially increases. I hope this has been helpful to you. If you are enjoying the podcast, I would so appreciate I know my team would as well hearing from you please. If you could take just a minute to go onto iTunes. Leave us a rating and a review. Let us know what you’re enjoying from the podcast and if there are other topics you’d love to hear about because at the end of the day, honestly we do this for you. Thanks so much for joining. I hope you have a fabulous week ahead.