Dr. Karin Luise 0:03
What if no one was right or wrong? What if we can just all have compassion and know that everybody’s making their choices? Because of their story? What is your story instead? Instead of you’re wrong, I’m right, like, what is your story? And what is my story, the more you have that compassion for yourself and give yourself grace, because that’s something else we don’t do, the more you’re going to be able to do it for someone else. And you can tap into more of that consistent feeling of love, and productivity, and connection, and creation with the world. Because when you’re feeling those feelings, you actually raise your consciousness up. And that is when you actually can attract the things that you really desire into your life.

Blake Schofield 0:45
Hi, I’m Blake Schofield, founder and CEO of The Bridge to Fulfillment®. Mom to three, USA Today Top 10 Professional Coach, and former corporate executive who got tired of sacrificing my life for a comfortable paycheck. My mission is to expand perspectives to achieve greater impact at home and work without sacrifice. This is The Bridge to Fulfillment®.

Blake Schofield 1:21
On today’s episode of The Bridge to Fulfillment®, I welcome Dr. Karin Luis. She’s an award-winning Author, Speaker, Master Life Coach, Soul Guide, and Course Creator with a PhD in Counseling & Education. She blends 20 years of practice and research with her spiritual gifts to guide people through mind blowing transformations. She’s obsessed with helping people release the programming of their past, remember who they are, and tap into the power and purpose that they are here to enjoy, in all levels of their lives while having the time of their lives. Her retreats have brought healing and transformation to hundreds of men and women ready to live their purpose. I can’t tell you what a joyful conversation this was, we have so much in common. And what I often find is, there’s consistency and truth. While we may use different words, and may have arrived at the same conclusions in different ways, I think that this conversation will be incredibly powerful for you. In fact, honestly, there was so much jam packed in this, this might be one of the most impactful podcasts that I’ve done, and that if you will allow yourself to slow down the podcast or come back and listen to it again, you will very likely find even new lessons, new learnings, and new things to apply to your life. This was truly a free flow conversation. And with that, I trust that the right message will make its way to you today. So thanks for listening. And without further ado, here’s our interview.

Blake Schofield 2:57
I’m so excited. Karen, thank you so much for joining me today on The Bridge to Fulfillment®.

Dr. Karin Luise 3:01
Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to see where our conversation takes us. Thanks for having me on.

Blake Schofield 3:05
Yeah, absolutely. So why don’t we just get started, can you share a little bit about your background, who you are, and how you found the path that you’re on now,

Dr. Karin Luise 3:13
I am a kind of a reformed therapist, I started off being an educator, I was an early childhood major for my undergrad, and then through some life events, which specifically was a big divorce that kind of pulled the rug out from under me, I decided that I want to understand why people were built the way they were. It was a really kind of traumatic separation and divorce, was very public. It was, I was married to a professional athlete here in Atlanta and I went through this very life changing experience that didn’t match kind of the way that I was raised and what I expected to happen, you know, we all have this like a to be like, “Oh, I’m gonna get this degree, I’m gonna get married here, have these kids.” I thought I was gonna have like three kids and two Golden Retrievers by the time I was 25. And you know, then this whole thing ended up erupting. And I wanted to understand like, why? How can people, what’s the psychology behind trauma, and specifically infidelity and trauma. And so I went back to graduate school and got my Master’s in Counseling, and then I ended up loving it. And I had no plan out of my undergrad to go back to school at all, actually, not not at all. Like I wasn’t wired that way, I was going to be a teacher, I was going to be a baseball wife, and I was going to be a mom, like that’s where I was headed.

Dr. Karin Luise 4:20
And I ended up really loving research and academia. And so I went and got into a PhD program and ended up getting my PhD in Counseling and Education and doing a lot of research around trauma and fidelity. I studied a lot of addictions, I studied a lot about just divorce recovery in general, and really wanted to understand how people find meaning in life and what makes them feel better. I mean, it’s that simple. But it really the complexity of it is really what we all want. We all want to feel better, like in every layer of who we are. So I wanted to understand some of the factors that really helped with that. And so I dedicated several years to research, and I taught at the university level, and then I ended up working at a hospital, and then I worked in private practice. And then I ended up going through some really personal additional traumatic events. Later on, I got remarried again and some other just, I lost someone very, very close to me to a very traumatic death. And I ended up having the lid blown off in an even bigger way in my life.

Dr. Karin Luise 5:11
And so it ended up opening me to a very spiritual kind of realm, a very spiritual way of looking at things, a different way than just honing in on this very 3d logical matrix that we’re all in. And really kind of my soul was just pulling me to like, pull back up and out, and look at things, maybe with a different lens that was looking at more of the way the Spirit was guiding us through life. My mom was a pastor. So I had this really religious background. But I ended up then studying a lot of spiritual modalities and modalities for healing. And now I’m doing a lot of my own research on just what kind of is getting in people’s way of their happiness. And I’ll tell you, what I’m finding now is people are not feeling connected to who they are, I put out this free soul inventory quiz really just like to try to get more people like to, and I’m like, Oh, my gosh, this research is phenomenal. What I’m finding, I mean, 1000s of people all over the world are taking it. And I can tell you, most people are not in alignment with who they are. And they’re not in a place of joy. And they’re not making time. And I know you have a lot of go getters and Type A’s that listen to your podcasts. But the disconnection from our joy from giving ourselves permission to find space, to enjoy life, to bring adventure, and expansion is really, really missing. And I it’s coming up in my research in a really big way now. So that’s where I am today.

Blake Schofield 6:33
So good. You are literally right in my lane. Buy into that in a big way. Because alignment is really the gift that I bring to the world. Being able to see truly who people are, what their purpose here is. And stripping away the misalignment, the friction, the trauma, the belief systems, all the stuff that’s in their way. One of the things that’s really been put on my heart lately from God is that almost none of us feel seen. And we’re looking for the world to see us. But until we really see ourselves, we’ll never have that validation. And we’ll never be able to fully see other people either. And so I think this is going to be a beautiful discussion. So I’m gonna table that for a while.

Dr. Karin Luise 7:19
Yeah.

Blake Schofield 7:20
Back to it. I have a lot to talk about. But I would love to hit on something you started with. Because I think it’s important. And there are a lot of people that go through this. What I have found consistently is when we go on a transformation journey. For many of us, it starts with well, Oprah Winfrey says, there’s an old quote that she talks about that “First it’s a whisper, than it’s a knock on the door, then it’s a bang, then the whole damn house burns down.”

Dr. Karin Luise 7:47
Oh, yeah. Relatable.

Blake Schofield 7:49
And the transformational journey was the same, although mine really started with my career. And just getting to a place where I physically could not do it one more day. I often say when you stay in misalignment, it’s a matter of, if not when, you will have your breakdown moments. And that’s clearly what happened for you. You shared that, you know, your divorce was really a shock to you. I think that happens to a lot of people. Looking back, what do you feel like you missed, or you were living in that it was so shocking that it was a burning down of the house?

Dr. Karin Luise 8:24
I well, I was young. So to be specific, because if anyone looks me up, they’ll find this out, I’ve actually now been divorced twice. So I’ve been through it in two different capacities. And I think that what I missed was, and this is something that I always want to talk about is listening to my own intuition. And I missed that I had to follow these rules. And that if I checked the boxes, that things were going to turn out in a way that was positive, like if I was the good Christian wife, and if I was doing this, and I was raising my husband up, and I was kind of just in a supporting role, that things would turn out very, very well for me. And it does for a lot of people. It’s not that that’s wrong. It’s not that at all, but there was a lot of messages that were coming in that were trying to tell me, the whispers, what the truth was, and you know, I really thought that once you say I do like it’s till death do you part and I think that’s a beautiful and wonderful thing when it happens. But sometimes speaking of alignment, relationships go out of alignment. And at the time, I didn’t understand my first divorce was now 23 years ago, I did not know that I could change my mind. I did not know that I could step out of that situation because it was out of alignment with me. I didn’t know nearly what I know. Now, of course, because I have decades of perspective and reflection.

Dr. Karin Luise 9:30
And I did it again a second time but but I have three kids now out of my second marriage, it was very different. But the common theme though was, “Can I change my mind?” and the fear of being judged, and the fear of “Oh my God doing this by myself.” I didn’t feel capable of going out because I got married the first time right out of college, like that was one of that was like oh my 20s and I had no idea how to make it on my own. I mean that it was my identity. So I didn’t realize I could have a different identity. So that was the catastrophe in my life because research shows that men identify through their jobs. This isn’t, this is speaking generally, the way anthropologically that we’re wired. Men tend to identify through their jobs. And we tend to identify through our relationships. So when relationships shatter, and that is your identity, who you are shattered. So that’s what I experienced, it was a complete deconstruction of self. And so then when I got back up on my feet, and six years later, I finally got married again, I wanted to have kids, I was like, clock is ticking. I had my kids and I was 38, and 39 years old, twins, and then one, and we were not in alignment at all. It was one of those situations where I was just like, I have to, like you checked all the boxes, but my intuition the whole time was like, okay, like this on paper looks really good. But the meat of that relationship was not there.

Dr. Karin Luise 10:43
And so the alignment piece in relationship, which is I think, what a lot of people that are really driven mess, and this tends to be my or my niche population, too, is women that are really focused on getting out there, like women that go through trauma, when their children tend to be badass is when they grew up. I mean, there’s a lot type a like, you transform that, like, oh, no, you’re not gonna mess with me, and I’m gonna make it on my own, especially people that have father loss, I wrote a book called The Fatherless Daughter Project, did a lot of research on father loss and repeating patterns. But my point is, we tend to step into roles for ourselves, where if the world leaves us or abandons us, or betrays us or traumatizes us, we’ll be damned if we’re not going to make it on our own. And then what happens is, we end up misaligning our relationships because we ended up going really into our masculine and not we don’t allow for, maybe the potential of alignment, the way that we can get one tweet, find a healing. And I know I’m unloading, like a lot in this answer.

Dr. Karin Luise 11:37
But I missed that, I have it now. And it’s what I teach now. And I kind of chose to go through all of it to get me there. But my perspective now, at the end of the day, honest to God, it’s self love. It’s worthiness, it’s value outside of whatever award or whatever society or your job or whatever is gonna give you. But it’s a matter of like, what worthiness do you really have inside of yourself to give yourself a chance to sit back and allow joy to come into your life, allow your needs to be met, instead of you always needing everybody else’s? So I mean, there’s so many places we can go for that. But at the end of the day, what I always find always, always, always with my clients, again, these are often strong women, it always comes down to like self love, on a very deep level that is feeling pretty empty. Because I’ve been there. Yeah.

Blake Schofield 12:23
Yeah, there’s so much that you shared, I’m like, Oh, so much to unpack. And I guess there are two things that really stood out to me is like, let’s talk about this, because my perspective and what my learning has been, and I knew this since I was really young, because I knew it probably seven that I had a significant calling on my life. And I just didn’t know what that meant. But I had always been focused on living a purposeful life, and people really understanding why they’re here, and what they’re here to do. And what I’ve consistently seen as you keep getting the lesson until you learn it. And we choose those lessons that we need to learn to grow. And I think so many people don’t understand that.

Dr. Karin Luise 13:05
Yeah.

Blake Schofield 13:06
And the two lessons you just talked about are two lessons I also had to go through well, you talked about more than two and actually everything you talked about for the most part. But there are two that I think are really important to hit, because I see them being huge barriers for people. This belief system that if I make a decision, I have to hold to it and I cannot change my mind. I was literally just talking to my community yesterday about this. There’s a book by Seth Godin called The Dip, which is a beautiful book, I’m not sure if you read it.

Dr. Karin Luise 13:35
I haven’t but I love him. Yeah.

Blake Schofield 13:37
So good. It’s like 97 pages, and he talks about when to quit and when to stick. And he talks about that as a society, we have been taught not to quit that we think that teaches us grit and resilience. But the people that are truly successful, quit everything that they can’t be best in the world at, they quit everything that they look at, and say I’m in a cul de sac, meaning it’s not going to get better, it’s not necessarily going to get worse. It’s just a loop, or the things that are really draining them even if they’re good at it, or even if it used to be good. The commentary I had with my group yesterday was this. If you were running a business, and your business was to buy say handbags and belts. And you bought 50% handbags and 50% belts, because that’s what you thought people would buy. And then actually sales came in and 90% of your sales were in handbags and only 10% were in belts. You would immediately look at that and say, oh my goodness, I need to readjust. I need to get out of these belts and I need to buy more handbags so I can be successful. It becomes a very simple, obvious answer that there’s an adjustment that needs to be made. New data came in. The data told me my original assumptions were wrong. I need to change it.

Blake Schofield 14:46
When we look at our personal lives, our relationships. We never look at it that way. And I think ultimately that’s the problem. Because we’ve been taught why make a commitment and that commitment is forever. But we actually don’t understand or look at and say, Is this a healthy commitment? Is it still in alignment? What does need to change? And I’m not advocating that we just quit everything, we look at it, we don’t have the conversations. But what I often find is that we are so stuck in the belief system, that it’s terrible or bad, or we’re horrible people if we change. But if you look at every other facet of life, it would tell you that success means I take in new data. And I adjust and adapt. And for most of my life, I did not do that. And so I suffered many slings and arrows just like what you’re talking about, because I believed so much in loyalty and commitment in my word, as opposed to understanding that we can make agreements from a place of what is best and from a place of adaptation, as opposed to assuming that that is contractual forever. And I think often too, we end up in relationships that are unhealthy, because we just assume, well, we made a contract. So that’s just it. And then we stop putting in the effort. We stop looking at what needs to adapt and change, and we stop taking care of what’s necessary for success. So I appreciate you saying that, because I think that lesson is so important. And I’m often shocked by how many women I talked to feel shame around divorce.

Dr. Karin Luise 16:17
Oh, my God. Well, you know, in my sharing, I mean, I simplified this in sentences. So we’re talking decades, each time like this, it was not simple. And it is not it. There’s so many layers. But once you get it like the AHAs that you have, and the AHAs that I have, I mean, the struggle and the shame, like and of course, I’ve been divorced twice. What, like, I was I taught Sunday school, I was like in a relationship expert with a doctorate on the internet, like, how can I get to that and I stay, I was so you know, living on opposite sides of the house. And so there are some reframes for words when I’m working with people. Not that because this is what’s helped me it’s like the contract. And the obligation, what I see play out is when it feels like obligations. So I always, I start to look at like energetics. And you can just say the way that you feel in your body. How do you see your body is always going to tell you and one of the things that women do is we manifest, will manifest sickness in our bodies, when things are out of alignment. And we’re staying in a place whether it’s a job or a relationship, that is out of alignment. I mean, you, you see it and you’re over and over and over. Often gut issues, a lot of prolong sickness, I used to get constant bronchitis because in my second marriage, I literally, there were 20 topics I was allowed to talk about. I couldn’t talk about my past, I couldn’t address that ever been married, I literally like, every, like I was always walking on eggshells, and I see this so, and I was, I’m a smart girl, like, it just like the rules just kept coming and coming.

Dr. Karin Luise 17:34
And so I contract it, you know, I was shutting down my throat and there’s a thing called chakras in your body and you have a throat chakra, it’s just an energy center. And so oftentimes, whatever energy center, you’re shutting down, it will manifest sickness. That’s Louise Hay that started Hay House did all this work on this. And so you know, your body’s very literal about when it gets sick, what’s happening? So I literally got laryngitis for years and bronchitis. And now looking back, I didn’t know what at the time, but I was not giving myself permission to speak. And I was staying because of obligation. Now I look at responsibility, I look at integrity. And it’s like, what is going to be what we don’t get raised to say to ourselves is What do you really want? Now what am I supposed to do? Or what does the Bible say? Or what is the you know, the professor tell you, what do you, this is the question I asked myself most often, whether it’s where do I want to go to dinner? What I mean is simple to the most complex, what do you really want, and then I’ll put myself in a future situation based on each decision, each option, and I’ll check in with my body. Now this has taken practice to understand this. But what I’ve learned is when you’re staying in a situation out of obligation, because you’re under contract, and I’m simplifying this, I know it’s not simple, I want to say that it’s not simple. I just want to support you and help you to understand.

Dr. Karin Luise 18:45
When you’re staying in obligation, and you check in with your gut. So you have brain cells in your gut. Now I can look at energetically but I will tell you, medically you have brain cells in your gut. That’s why it’s called the second brain, it will contract, this is kind of your spirit centers where your solar plexus is your soul and I’m pointing right below my ribcage, that area right there. Your gut will tell you if you really want to be there or not. Now sometimes like, and I separate responsibility out to, like sometimes being responsible for things and staying like the days you kind of want to run down the street and leave your kids because you’re like you’ve about had it right like, you know, that’s not gonna make you feel good in the long run. That’s an obligation. But you know, over time, you’re going to feel good when you stay, you can go and have your like, your moment, but that kind of obligation, you know, you’re going to feel good staying, I’m talking about when you’re in a moment, and I’m staying under this obligation because that can’t change my mind is making my guts so sick.

Dr. Karin Luise 19:34
I mean, I had so many GI issues this manifests with women’s so much. And so I started learning how to, I got support. I went to advisors that could like address in the beginning that could see me and hear me and that wouldn’t judge me. If there was no judgment in the world. What choice would I make and it took me years to decide. But once I liberated myself, and I just heard this in a podcast, I mean in a blog yesterday, my nanny, we were standing in my kitchen one day, and she had seen this play out for a couple years, living on opposite sides, I mean of the house, like, we were at the country club showing up, like, everything’s perfect. And um, a lot of people can relate to this. And then we, I know, because I’ve been a therapist, I’m now a coach, women tell me there were issues, and I hear this so much. We go home, and we just walked opposite sides of the house, disregard each other. And one day, my nanny, she had watched this go on for a year and a half, and I was complaining in the kitchen, and this is back in 2014. And she just looked at me and just flat out said, “Karin, you could be miserable the rest of your life, or you could just leave.” And then she walked up. I mean, like I stood there, like, did my nanny literally just give me permission. And she was a Christian. And I was like, in that moment, like that was one of those Aha, like moments where I was like, I can leave like, Wait.

Blake Schofield 20:47
Can we talk about this because you said something really clear, right? I’ve been raised with a Christian background as well. The highest commandment is to love one another. Right? Love your neighbor as you love yourself. And you said something. And this has been something really ruminating with me, I’ve been sharing. This is where we misunderstand things in a really significant way, from the way I see it. And what I’ve been shown over and over again, you said the highest thing you can do is love yourself. And that is exactly what I have come to know to be true. So when we say love your neighbors as yourself, most of us assume that means self sacrifice. When we do all these things for these other people. However, we think it means instead of yourself, I’m a terrible person, I should be better, I did this awful. And we are our own worst critic. And we are literally every day beating ourselves up in ways of which we would never do to someone else, then we cannot wholly love our neighbor, we cannot wholly see them, we cannot offer our best to them, because we are not whole.

Blake Schofield 21:49
And I think this is such a place where we really misunderstand this, that actually healing yourself, becoming fully whole, loving yourself enables you to show up and truly love your neighbor in such a significant way. And when you said to me, this thing of she gave you permission and you stopped and you said to yourself that there was no judgment in the world, what would I do? What did Jesus do? He came to the world with absolutely no judgment. He loved every single person, for exactly who they were, despite every flaw, despite every sin, despite whatever it was the rest of the world felt. And so I think there’s something really poignant and powerful in that, especially because like I said, it’s been really on my heart and something that I feel like God has really been showing me a lot to this journey is when you live your life, for everyone else, when you live your life based on fear, doubt, anxiety, shame, guilt, those are all things that are not of God. And if you truly look at and understand the Bible, and what Jesus was teaching us, it was true unconditional love for yourself, and for everyone else. And so if you can come from that place where you can truly love yourself and recognize that God puts your desires and dreams into you that His job really is to prosper and not harm you that you can really surrender almost, well, everything to Him. Most of the belief systems and decision making stress, anxiety, things that we go through. We are creating this and we are creating the suffering that’s completely unnecessary, because we don’t actually really understand what the lesson is.

Dr. Karin Luise 23:30
Yeah, that’s so powerful. And I’m here with a mission to correct a lot of the myths teachings as well, because this self sacrificing thing is not what Jesus taught at all. And when you look at the original text, I mean, let’s just mention that the Bible was written in a whole different language. And it’s been reinterpreted. And a lot of it’s been taken out a lot of it’s been changed. And I know, Jesus, there’s no one when you get to have a nobody’s asking you how many times you were divorced, engaged, separate, it’s really irrelevant. It’s how did you interact with people? How did you take responsibility for your life and that self love peace is everything. I mean, Jesus, he says that we’re all sons and daughters. I mean, he didn’t he actually never said, I’m the only one by the way, he actually was very much more about we are all and you can tap into that Source within you have it in yourselves, we all, you’re not separate from it. And that’s the piece that is actually the hell on earth that people live with, which is the Separation from Source, I call God’s source now, but from God within you. And you know, Bronnie Ware did research called The Top Regrets of the Dying and I mean, this is documented research. The top regret of people in hospice was that they live their life for everyone except for themselves. And it is, I can’t tell you so it’s grounded in research. And that was not what Jesus was here to teach. It wasn’t to sacrifice your life because that joy, you, you have that you are made your, your divine, your sacred. And if you’re not giving yourself and acknowledging just I love how you just said it, your desires, your desires are coming through you because there are sacred and if you think everyone else’s desires are sacred or with it, more sacred than yours instead of you. You’re not honoring the life force within you, and this is the core of what I’m teaching too.

Dr. Karin Luise 25:02
I love it, you’re having aha moments. And I’m like, Ah, but I didn’t get it for you. I went through all this trauma until now. And once I got it, the liberation where I’m like, and I get to teach my kids now, what do you want? Like, what do you want, I’m not here, I’m here to guide you. But what are you I’m here to let your light shine and you that desire within you. And sometimes the relationship runs out of alignment. And you know it when both parties aren’t willing to do the work, you know it when you’re not, you literally are repelled, you know it when you I mean, it’s, I remember finding something that Jesus said, which was Do all you can do, and then do no more, like, then do no more, it’s okay. And the word I’m gonna say instead of quit is just release, if that’s meant for you, and that person wants to mend the relationship. And then whatever happened, they will do their work, and you will find each other again, like you, if it’s meant for you, it will, it was not going to lead your life. If something goes out of alignment with you, you will feel it in your body. And you have the choice. And I’m not advocating divorce ever, of course, I would love to marry my high school sweetheart and stay married forever, that would have been amazing. It’s not the journey my soul chose.

Dr. Karin Luise 26:04
But if this is resonating with you, and you’re feeling it, just, I would say get support from someone that’s been there that understands that where there’s no shame, where you can be seen and heard outside of all the rules, and where you are truly looking at, like, Am I in alignment here anymore, and it’s you know, what, it’s okay, if the job, the hometown, the relationship are no longer in alignment with you. This right now. I mean, like, you know, we’re seeing it like collectively, if you’re going through, if this is resonating with you, you are part of this shift that’s happened because of what’s happened. And we’re no, we’re not going to go into it. But the shift that’s happened collectively, is happening for each one of us on an individual level, those of us that really want to be in a place of purpose and calling in something bigger in life. And if you’ve been in a situation that no longer and this is the what I hear women say all the time, it’s just I just don’t feel like myself there anymore. Like I don’t, whatever that is, whatever environment that is, if you are not feeling like you can’t, can be or that you are yourself, you don’t even know who you are in that role anymore, then it’s no longer in alignment with you. And it’s okay to start taking the steps and just ask in prayer to be guided.

Blake Schofield 27:06
No, I’m so good. And I would say you know, in addition to that, we often think that that growth is bad, because we don’t understand that everything is cycles of creation, destruction, and rebirth. One of my favorite quotes is “Most people prefer the certainty of misery to the mystery of uncertainty.” And I think one of the greatest blessings that I have gotten through this journey, as someone who used to be type A have to plan everything out is that the unexpected is actually God’s gift. That’s often far better than anything we could have ever planned. And when we begin to learn that the things we’ve placed certainty on our identity, our relationships, our money, our home, our children, are ever changing, because that’s the only thing that’s consistent. And from my perspective, the only thing that you really know for sure is that there is a God, almost everything else besides there’s a God and one day your body will die. Everything else you can’t think certainty on. And I think when we talk about that we’re in a place of massive change as a society I feel and know that viscerally as you’re talking about. It’s important to begin to learn to understand how to embrace uncertainty, that uncertainty is possibility, that uncertainty is growth, and uncertainty, when in alignment, will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

Blake Schofield 28:35
And as a society, we have so many people struggling with feeling disconnected mental health, depression, not feeling seen. And we’re putting so many band aids on it, rather than addressing the root cause, that we are all actually connected. And it’s our belief system that we’re separate. It’s our belief system, that there’s something broken or wrong with us. It’s the way that we are going through life, avoiding and distracting, as opposed to actually learning how to connect to ourselves, love ourselves. Because when we connect and love ourselves, to your point, we’re connected to God, we’re connected to one another. All of a sudden, everything shifts, and you go from this place of uncertainty, fear, being alone, feeling disconnected, to the exact opposite. But to me, when it happened to me, it was like 1000 times like, oh my gosh, I couldn’t even imagine that this was possible for my life, like, is this the feel? I feel like it was as a fairy tale as it’s even possible, then it’s because we’ve been gifted these beautiful directions for our life. And as little children, I think we’re told that we’re a dreamer, it’s not possible. And we start being conditioned about what life should be like. So I love the fact that your journey has taught you that you’re teaching your children that and certainly that’s the work I’m doing as well. And I just hope that we can be a lighthouse to those that are behind us in the journey. And not from a judgment standpoint, but just meaning you are learning the lessons, you are removing the trauma, you are beginning to explore what’s really possible for you.

Dr. Karin Luise 30:09
Yeah, it connects you to limitless. And it is true. I was talking about that yesterday that the fear of the unknown is what people fear the most besides death, and public speaking, and being abandoned and doing it wrong, getting it wrong. And that’s why I’m really working on, I work on training women, particularly men too, but specifically work with women, that how to tune in to that intuitive center, and how to learn how to be guided internally instead of externally. And it does break those rules, right. But that’s that alignment piece. Because when we’re doing things that are out of alignment with us, even if I know because your story is about you, you have the big paycheck, you have the you know, the big title, and you have all of it. But if you’re if it’s not in alignment with who you are, you’re gonna feel it, you’re done. That’s why I keep telling you this, look at your just just pay attention to your gut. Are you constantly like are your shoulders and your neck, we hold a lot of tension in our jaw and our neck and our shoulders and all of that tension, if you’re not feeling supported, that’s where the back problems come from. And the body’s telling you, you know, we’re out of alignment with feeling really supported in our life. And that support comes from authentically doing what you desire. And not to simplify that it’s the easiest thing, but the journey is us remembering who we are and coming into alignment with who we are. And not everyone is going to, you know, we’re all going to choose different paths.

Dr. Karin Luise 31:17
But the way that you will know when you come into alignment is it will feel like relief. And then it will feel like liberation. Because you know, when we release those things that don’t serve us anymore. And the question is always it’s like that Marie Kondo question, you know, does it bring you joy? Does it bring you joy, because at the end of your life, you’re gonna look back, and you may have martyred your whole life for somebody else, and they were just fine. But you literally just gave your life away, to keep somebody happy. And I mean, I guess in a old cutting hand Christian way, like I was taught like that sacrifice is somehow Christ like, but you have your life, we’re here to do this together and to dance in a reciprocal relationship where we’re meeting each other’s needs. And we’re lifting each other up and listening and seeing and, and I love that you’re bringing up separation. Because once you get that it’s like, and there’s so much that’s happening in the world right now that is actually trying to separate us. And so no matter where you believe, I’m always trying to bring on do this with my kids. I’m like, Well, what if there was like, No, right and wrong? Like, what if no one was right or wrong? What if we can just all have compassion and know that everybody’s making their choices? Because of their story?

Dr. Karin Luise 32:19
What is your story instead? Instead of you’re wrong, I’m right, like, what is your story? And what is my story, like, you know, and so you said this earlier, like, the more you have that compassion for yourself, and give yourself grace, because that’s something else we don’t do, the more you’re going to be able to do it for someone else. And what happens then is you’re actually raising your consciousness. And you can tap into more of that consistent feeling of love, and productivity, and connection, and creation with the world. Because when you’re feeling those feelings, you actually raise your consciousness up. And that is when you actually can attract the things that you really desire into your life, because you’re more in alignment. And that’s where that flow comes in. It happens 100% of the time, but the more you’re sticking to and gripping those things that and just trying to shove that square peg in that round, round hole, I know I’m, I’m done. We’ve all done it. Because you feel like you’re supposed to, you’re just gonna feel that jagged feeling inside your gut, and you’re never going to feel in flow, you’re just going to feel like you’re checking boxes, and it’s not going to feel authentic and in flow for you.

Blake Schofield 33:17
I had so many health problems, and I think this is a place that having done this work.

Dr. Karin Luise 33:22
Yeah.

Blake Schofield 33:23
I know 100% what you’re sharing to be true, experienced it personally, have helped so many people work through it, that when you consistently are having health problems, that is your body telling you stop. And listen, something’s not right. I’ve been able to resolve pretty much all of the problems, and I had very significant problems for decades. Health wise, you said two things I wrote down because they’re so powerful. Right? You’re literally giving your life away. I think we often don’t see this as and as women we’ve been taught and accurately that that is the way to do things. Men do this too. But Goodness gracious, culturally, women are constantly told that. And then we wonder why women are struggling so much, right? It’s time to be able to see and stop teaching our children, that when you get married, or you have children, that your life now becomes everyone else. Because how unfair is that to your children, that they are now quote unquote, responsible for your unhappiness? I don’t think we think about that as parents, but that’s what you’re teaching them. And you’re teaching your daughter, hey, stay with this person out of obligation, even though you’re absolutely miserable. And hey, give away your entire life to your children and you no longer exist. Like we don’t really stop and understand culturally, what are we teaching? And then why do we have generations of these problems?

Blake Schofield 34:46
But the beautiful thing is we’re entering a place where we can now see it differently. And we can learn differently and we can change the dynamics of what our children and our grandchildren and future generations are going to do. You also said what is your story? I love that so much. Isn’t that really what this is about? My youngest son, we put in private school last year, he’s very gifted. And then entrepreneur, disrupter, creative really doesn’t need the roles in a traditional school. And they talk about helping you go on a hero’s journey. Well, isn’t that always, that’s really what this is, what is your story. And if you haven’t defined that, and you don’t know, or you haven’t been living that way, maybe today is your opportunity to rise up and recognize that you do have a journey. You chose a journey, and a path, and a purpose, and lessons to learn. And if you’re feeling like you’re not growing, and you’re feeling like you’re growing Groundhog’s Day, it’s a call to rise up and take action.

Blake Schofield 35:47
There is one tool I really love that I got from my time as a CCA advisor, it’s called the investor frame. So anytime you’re in a situation where either a new thing comes to you that’s unknown, or you’re unfulfilled or unhappy in your circumstance, you can ask yourself this. Given what I know today, what I enter in the same relationship or agreement, and that answer is going to be very clear, if you listen to your guts. And if it’s anything other than a hell yes, then you can stop and say, okay, in order for it to be a yes or a Hell, yes, what would have to change? And I think this is such a simple and beautiful process. Thank you, Dan Nicholson, Nick Peterson, and Randy Massengale, for this, because it’s so powerful when you can stop and ask yourself that and if your answer is Hell, no. And then you go through the list? And you’re really honest, are these things that are changeable? Or not? And how much time energy and effort would it take to make it changeable? And am I willing to do that is the other party willing to do that? It’s a very simple way to take that inner compass, and put some data behind it. So that you are very clear.

Blake Schofield 36:59
And I think for so many people, you know, if I had sat and gone through that in my corporate job, when I was going through the cycles of changing jobs, hoping it would be better, it was like, what I’ve opted into this, if I knew this is what it was going to be, 70 hour work weeks, and all of this, no, I would not have. And what would have had to have changed. And it was fairly significant, including all the way down to I felt like I was just helping people buy more stuff. And it really did not align with my value system, that if I died at the end of the day, I made companies millions of dollars. But what impact did I really make, because people were buying clothes to feel better, but it was a band aid. And so I just think it’s so much powerful conversation today. I mean, we probably just put out 40 different messages.

Dr. Karin Luise 37:42
So I want to add on one thing that’s coming up from what you just said, and this is just something I’m always saying like so that awareness that you have, and I love that exercise. Women tend to guilt themselves, then when men do it too, again, but the looking back then and then saying I wish I wouldn’t ever, wish I would have changed like. So when you have that awareness. Be really aware not to go back then and feel like all that regret and shame about the decision that you made, I always say don’t judge your past self with your current knowledge. So remember, you’ve had, like you said, You’ve had the years to go through and get the reflection, just like me out of all my stuff. You have current knowledge now that you didn’t have at the time, you’re always making decisions that based on your current feelings, your current resources, your current beliefs, right. But when you know better, that’s Maya Angelou “When you know better, you can do better.” And so now that you know this, your awareness like you’re responsible for that. And it’s like, well, if you’re staying in a situation, I’m all about like self responsibility now. It’s like you now know, from listening to this, if you’re still hanging in here, and your your earbuds are still tapped into those ear holes, you are aware now that whatever it is that’s kept you listening, like there’s something that’s out of alignment, and I love what you said you just walked them through, are there steps to change that can reform that situation to come into alignment with you?

Dr. Karin Luise 38:51
Or is it maybe one of those situations that you can change your mind on and release with love and compassion, and make a pivot even to the unknown because you know what’s so cool, and we get so afraid but unknown means that you can literally create what you want. And you, I love the statement to use and I’m going to add the word what to it because there’s a statement that says you don’t know who and what you still haven’t met everyone that’s gonna love you. I’m gonna add, you still haven’t met everyone and everything that’s gonna love you. Because it could be a job. It could be a new source of income. It could be a new, whatever it is for you. It’s not static, like you don’t know. Because if the more you stay in that situation, you have an open space in your life for that new thing to find its way to you that’s more in alignment with you. So trusting being in faith and understanding that you have such an extraordinary guidance system within you. And you don’t have to go to others for approval or validation. If that has been knocking at your door for years. And for most people it has you actually already know the answer. We’re just getting your permission.

Blake Schofield 39:48
I love it. I often say you cannot receive when your hands are full. And that is often one of the biggest things is we overthink, we’re over scheduled, and we’re overworking. And we aren’t getting what we want. But we’re holding on to the things that are actually physically weighing us down. I love that you hit on the guilt and shame, I think that’s super powerful. What I’ve really seen in my journey is that everything is perfect as it is. If people could truly understand the intricacy of how everything is built, and how you’re constantly supported, we would have far less stress or anxiety. And so these moments when we should, I should have known, I should have done it differently. This goes back to what I said before, which is that is a lack of self love, is a lack of trust. And it’s honestly a belief that you know, better than God does. That’s really what I’ve come to see, like when I sit there and beat myself up for all of that, well, if truly, God is here to support you, and you truly have faith in that, and you’re surrendering, then isn’t it perfect exactly as it is.

Blake Schofield 40:53
Aren’t you learning the lesson in the moment, you’re supposed to learn it, in order to be able to get you to what’s next. And often I have people say to me, I wish I had your level of faith. And I would tell you that I have been where you are, I have walked all of that journey. And the way for me to have developed this level of faith was to walk through the fire. It was to listen to my inner compass when I was misaligned. It was to invest in myself and finding the people who could help me. And it was to be willing to challenge the fears that were seeing in my life that were the lies. And every time I walked through, and I chose to let go of the thing that wasn’t serving me. Something beautiful came and replaced it. And my level of faith increased. And I could just see time after time, after time, in retrospect, how everything had been given to me, and how either I hadn’t seen it, I had assumed it was a coincidence, or at the times when I had overridden the information how that had caused me pain and suffering unnecessarily. And so I would just encourage you, if today you were feeling really called to make a change, and you’re hearing this and you recognize and this is the permission for you to make a change, to recognize that. It’s okay, if it feels scary, and bumpy and hard.

Blake Schofield 42:20
The best advice I can give you is to trust what you know to be true. And to stand in faith because fear is the opposite of faith. And when we fear we manifest more difficulties and more fear. But when we step into faith, and we can surrender and say I don’t know how this is gonna go, I just know it’s the right thing to do. And you walk forward into that. It’s almost like, I don’t know if you ever saw the Goonies. That was one of my favorite movies as a kid. Yeah, there’s a moment in the Goonies where they have to walk. And as they walk literally, like a plank shows up and visibly underneath their feet. And, and often I think this journey for me has been like that, where it’s like, okay, I have to step forward, but I don’t see the stair is something going to be under there. And then over time, it’s like, oh, it always just there, that safety net has always been there. And so sometimes it’s just the one thing, the one step, and allow yourself to just move one step at a time, and you’ll begin to see that it can be way easier than you believe it can be.

Dr. Karin Luise 43:20
Yes, it shows up. So the manifestation is focusing on the what and the how in your prayer, your meditation, your connection with your higher power and focusing on the what and the why. And in your request. You know, it’s all biblical “Ask and you shall receive” and letting go of the when, and the how and the who, right, at, but at the same time, like like in the Goonies like taking the steps taking the inspired action, ask your teams, I say team, because I believe we have angels and guides. Just ask just show me the next step. Just show me the next step. And then when you get inspired to make that phone call, or to visit that attorney, or go look at that new house, or whatever it is, or go do a new interview or check out a company. Take that action when you feel that inspiration. And I’m gonna piggyback on that scary thing because I think there’s excitement and fear, you know, there’s a line there. But if the scare excites you, like if there’s a piece that feels liberating, the scare is a good thing, because that’s part of what propels you into it. And it’s just because you’re human. But if there’s a little bit of excitement towards liberation, that’s your cue that is the right step for you, and know that you are being divinely supported. God’s not going to bring that desire through you, to not help you to the other side. He’s not going to do it, you’re not going to be alone. There are so many people waiting to help you. And once you were in these communities, or these bubbles when we’re kind of stuck in situations and you can’t imagine again, the people that are waiting out there but you have actually a whole support network that you haven’t even met yet.

Dr. Karin Luise 44:43
The people that also left their big corporate job to become a coach, or to start their brick and mortar, or to start a makeup line or whatever, left her marriage and now, I mean you, will find you you’re gonna be like, you know, like moths to a flame. So just know that that support network will come up, and I love that you said invest in yourself, because it just is key, you were not meant to do this alone. And investing in yourself is super, super important going to retreat, getting a coach, getting a therapist, whatever it is that you need, ask that you find the right person. And then trust when you walk in that office that if it’s the right fit, that is going to accelerate your process, you were not meant to do it by yourself. And I love that you said in the piece about not if you don’t believe everything’s right, and you’re not actually believing in God, God’s plan. I mean, what if everything was perfect? And I’m always returning to that with me and with all my clients? It’s just it’s so simple. But what if everything was perfect, just as it is, everything that’s happening is unfolding in perfect timing for you. Nothing was out of order. Nothing is wrong or right. Okay, none of the choices were wrong or right, they were all part of your soul’s journey. And then when you’re confused about it, just stop for a minute, just say what has this been here to teach me? You’re never being punished? You’re never being punished, okay? God is not a punishing, I don’t believe that. I believe you’re always being guided and supported.

Dr. Karin Luise 45:57
What is this here to teach me. And very often, it we’re going to drive at home even more, it’s self love. Very often it is. And I’m finding this with myself. And I found that literally, with every strong woman that I’ve worked with, it is choosing your choice over what everyone is expecting you. And the basis of that is self love. Which is God going through you, which is you honoring, I have this desire, this divine desire, because God placed on my heart, it’s what I was born in my DNA with. If I don’t honor it, I’m not honoring God within me. So let me honor this. So then I can go into the world and be the best light because you’re like, it’s bigger than you’re the biggest light for others. You’re the biggest light for your future employees, your future partner, your kids, your current partner. And that’s what makes you expand into your potential which is limitless in this life. So yeah, you’re like we don’t want we want your light to grow brighter.

Blake Schofield 46:45
So good. I literally cannot add anything to it. And here we are already out of time was it was such a great conversation. Thank you so much for coming and sharing your journey. Your perspective, this was probably one of the most chock full of value podcasts I’ve had. And so for those of you listening, I might encourage you to come back and a month or six months and listen to this one again. It will fit differently. You will gather something new from it, what we have shared on this podcast today. Just one piece of it alone could change your life. And so thank you, Karin. It’s been such an honor and a pleasure to have you and thank you guys for coming on and joining and listening. Until next time, have a great one.

Dr. Karin Luise 47:31
Thanks so much.